Just Breathe
by Optumus-prime-gf
Summary: Harry finally admitts his deepest secret...all he wants is to love and be loved...


Harry watched as the rain cascaded down the window, forming intricate patterns that not even the most talented drawer could never reproduce. He sniffed, tracing the cool glass with warm hands. Why? He wondered….why me?

He had always gathered Ginny had liked him and she was as sweet as sugar to him, but….he wasn't his….errrmmmm…type….

Harry tensed and pushed his feverish face onto the glass, groaning inwardly. Harry Potter, the chosen one, the perfect one, the amazing boy who could do ANYTHING was…..was….

Harry winched, barely able to think the words. Oh, if only he was normal, if only the only guys he had ever secretly dated had not been complete arseholes…..opps. Yes Harry Potter, the chosen one was GAY! Gay, gay, gay, gay, homosexual, prefers men, bats for the other side, likes dangly things, is mainly left side orientated….(although he had no idea why being left side orientated meant he was gay).

Still, it was annoying to sit here and at the age of 17 and his final year of Hogwarts to still be petrified of letting anyone really see the real him. Harry sighed, the only people he had 'let his hair down' in front of were guys who took advantage of him, manipulated and did things to Harry that he shuddered to think of.

He just wanted to be loved. He knew he could learn to love Ginny and was learning to, but….she wasn't meant for him. He wished….oh what did he wish for, what did he want? To have lived a normal life? To not have to defeat the dark lord? To be NORMAL? To be able to look guys in the eye again, to be able to really talk to someone and let them see the inner workings of his soul.

Sighing once again, he lifted his damp head from the window. He turned and slipped from his chair and walked out of the dormitory, seeking refuge from the obtrusive eyes and whispering voices. Ron and Hermonie were seen snuggled tightly together on the couch, sharing kisses and words of love. He turned away, feeling the deep vile of jealousy rise within his gut. Why couldn't someone look at him that way, why couldn't someone love and cherish him for who he was and not his fame or his body.

Snorting in frustration, his eyes were quickly captured by Ginny's chocolate brown ones.

"Harry, what's the matter. You seem so…tense."

Harry turned away and mumbled quietly if he could speak with her outside for a moment please. Ginny received the break-up news fairly well, but then again Harry had smoothed it over explaining that he needed to concentrate on his studies and that soon she would be completing her last year of school as well. He also suggested they remain friends until they were out of school and if they came back together, then he wouldn't regret it. She strained a smile and hid her tears. Harry wanted to reach out and hug her, but knew it would only make the situation even worse.

Harry turned away, his resolve failing him and ran away from Ginny's pleas of him to stay.

Harry's legs pumped, his body flew, and the pain and ache of tiredness seeped into his bones. The burn however felt good, it felt real and distracted him from the thoughts swirling throughout his mind. Zooming down a deserted corridor he leapt through an open window onto the soft, silky grass of Hogwarts grounds. He took in his surroundings slowly, drinking in the lush foliage of the trees and garden. Harry smiled softly and quickly hid amongst the bushes leaves and let himself cry in anguish. His body shock uncontrollably, convulsing with the shudders of his tears and cries.

A soft gentle hand suddenly pulled him close to a hard, warm body affectionately. Harry continued to cry; ignorant of whom he was clinging to. Gradually his tears subsided and he turned to stare at the warm, rich brown earth as the 'comforter' held him close.

Harry didn't want to look up, afraid of who had seen his wild display of emotion. Besides the view around the two was quite amazing, but then again Harry was easily amused…and even more easily impressed.

"I'm sorry" Harry whispered to the slender, white hand.

A gentle, coarse voice replied "its ok." and cleared his throat. Harry moved his head from the cosy spot on the other mans (well either that or she had no boobs) and nestled his chin on his new found friends knee. The other 'boy' loosened his hold letting his hand slide down to Harry's side.

They both stayed in this position for what seemed like minutes (actually hours) until the sun started to set. The boy gradually broke the silence tickling Harry's back and soothingly saying:

"Harry….Harry, dear…..Harry, I think we should get going, dinner should be ready soon and your friends might wonder where you got to."

Harry turned apprehensively, worried the voice that he heard wasn't the person who he thought it belonged to. His puffy eyes grew wide in astonishment, then pain and humiliation. Why him? Why was it always Harry? Harry pulled away and quickly drew himself up.

"Please Harry, it's not what it looks like." cried the blond haired boy, his grey eyes holding a deeply intense stare.

"F&*k you Malfoy. Like hell you wont make fun of me and spread this quicker around then wildfire."

Malfoy stood up quickly as Harry turned grabbing his hands desperately.

"Please Harry; I want to….I want to know you." His eyes darted across Harry's face in confusion and pain. Harry shook his head mumbling you already know me and tried to jerk his hands out of Malfoy's grasp. Malfoy clutched more strongly his eyes pleading with Harry's.

"I promise not to tell anyone Harry. Please, I just heard crying and snuck up to see who it was. That's all."

Harry peered at him suspiciously.

"Why didn't you hex or stun me?"

"Because you were crying. I don't like seeing you in pain, I hate it. I…hoped if I comforted you, you might tell me and I….might be able to help you"

Harry's gazed at Malfoy in surprise.

"Since when have you ever wanted to HELP me?"

"Please Harry, I…I."

Draco (no, its Malfoy not Draco Harry drilled into his head), Malfoy tore his eyes away biting his lip and arguing inside his head with notions he was unsure how to describe. Harry watched at him, looking, no actually seeing the true Malfoy for the first time. The boy who hid under a mask of pompousness, a boy with an intense and penetrating stare, like he could see through to Harry's soul, a boy who bit his lip when worried and frowned and actually cared. Malfoy's hair escaped in wisps dancing across his face, his cheeks were pulled in and out of his cheek hollows as Dra…Malfoy contemplated what he was trying to tell Harry. His pale, white skin was warm and full of life and (not the first time) Harry acknowledged his lean, muscular body. Altogether Drac..Malfoy seemed almost beautiful. Harry felt himself in awe of the boy standing in front of him, but then remembered what Dean and Justin had down to him. How was this time any different…the way he felt…he and Malfoy had been enemies for years…Malfoy hated him…then why did he hug Harry so when he cried.

This time it was Harry's turn to contemplate, his frown emitting vast burrows in his forehead. Draco turned to face him again, his face back to his normal composure, yet…more open, honest and caring.

"Harry…"Draco whispered vividly full of the emotion he felt for the brunette.

All doubts fled Harry's mind and he stared back, searching Draco's eyes. They were dark, warm, comfortable and sweet like the ocean on a cloudy day. Draco's firm hold loosened and his hand swept upwards to move the strands that had tumbled around Harry's face away, to see his emerald green eyes better. Draco cupped Harry's face so gently that he may have been a flower. His other hand reaching for Harry's.

The sunset's rays shimmered and danced all around them as Harry's fingers entertained with Draco's. This was different from the way he felt for Ginny. He felt amazing and as he looked into Draco's eyes he wondered if it was all true and he wasn't dreaming and that…

Draco leaned forward his breath swirling around Harry's nostrils dispersing a sweet smell of peppermint leaves. Harry pondered on closing the gap and taking in Draco's soft, full lips with his own. He longed for this…not just because he could kiss Draco, not because of the developing strain in his trousers. No, he wanted to kiss Draco to show the real him, the one full of love and amusement. Despite all the death and loneliness Harry had ever received and felt, Harry loved life, because he learnt not to take anything for granted and love everything and everyone. To look at Draco this way…with passion inside his heart not of his denial and pain. He felt Draco actually knew him, had seen and felt his pain. Enemies always developed an acute sense for the other and it seemed as though both Harry and Draco had felt the same twinge when their wands deflected and afflicted curses.

The way Draco watched Harry block a curse, the slight smile twitching hesitantly at his lips as Harry blocked his spell. The unacknowledged respect that had developed between the two young men. The beautiful understanding of each others emotions, passions had led to their souls being unveiled unintentionally towards one another. In this crazy facade they had come to understand and love one another…although never truly backing off their resolve to maim the other beyond recognition lessoned when they saw the seams failing on the others life.

This mutual understanding suddenly arose in their eyes, as their subconscious thoughts became that of consciousness. Harry leaned forward mingling his faint cinnamon encrusted breathe amongst Draco's. Draco's soft hair flittered across Harry's face as gentle and sensual as silk. Vanilla filled his nostrils and Harry closed his eyes in order to properly amerce himself in the scent.

Draco's lips reached his and their delicateness surprised the boy who loved, as he suppressed an urge to reach up and take Draco's hair amongst his fingers. Draco kissed him gently, oh so softly. His slender white fingers encircling the emerald boy's waist as though he was holding a fragile petal from a rose.

Their kisses deepened and Harry found his fingers in the other boy's hair and his lips pressing against the others. He had never felt so whole, so good, so….in love.

Harry drew back slowly watching Draco's slightly flushed face.

Emotions flickered through both boys faces, but then happiness reigned.

"Draco", Harry whispered cupping his lovers face and kissing his cheeks with a touch similar to that of butterflies wings.

"I love you."


End file.
